不打孩子的十个理由

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所属分类:亲子共成长

 

In Norway and Sweden, it is illegal for a parent, teacher, or anyone else to spank a child. In some states and provinces, it is only illegal for a teacher to spank. In all areas of North America, physical punishment by a parent, as long as it is not severe, is still seen by many as necessary discipline, and condoned, or even encouraged.

For the past several years, many psychiatrists, sociological researchers, and parents have recommended that we seriously consider banning the physical punishment of children. The most important reason, according to Dr. Peter Newell, coordinator of the organization End Punishment of Children (EPOCH)1, is that "all people have the right to protection of their physical integrity, and children are people too.“

在挪威和瑞典等国家,父母、老师,以及任何其他的人打孩子都是违法的。在美国的一些州和省,只有教师打孩子是违法的。在北美的所有地区,虽然父母都不用体罚来惩罚孩子了,但是,有很多地方还在宽恕甚至鼓励这种打孩子的行为。

在过去的几年里,很多精神病学家,社会学研究者和家长强烈建议禁止父母对孩子进行肉体惩罚。P·Newell博士(“停止惩罚孩子协会”领导人)认为,最重要的原因是:“所有的人都有人身完整性受到保护的权利,而孩子也是人。”

1. Hitting children teaches them to become hitters themselves. Extensive research data is now available to support a direct correlation between corporal punishment in childhood and aggressive or violent behavior in the teenage and adult years. Virtually all of the most dangerous criminals were regularly threatened and punished in childhood. It is nature's plan that children learn attitudes and behaviors through observation and imitation of their parents' actions, for good or ill. Thus it is the responsibility of parents to set an example of empathy and wisdom.

1、父母打孩子,使孩子学会了去打别人。更多的研究数据表明,童年受到肉体惩罚与少年暴力甚至成年人暴力之间有直接的关系。事实上,多数危险的罪犯,都在小时候经常受到打骂和惩罚。自然界的法则是:孩子们从小就观察和模仿他们父母的态度和行为,不管那些行为和态度是好的还是坏的,他们照单全收。所以,给孩子树立一个有爱心和智慧的榜样,是每位父母的责任所在。

2. In many cases of so-called "bad behavior", the child is simply responding in the only way he can, given his age and experience, to neglect of basic needs. Among these needs are: proper sleep and nutrition, treatment of hidden allergy, fresh air, exercise, and sufficient freedom to explore the world around him. But his greatest need is for his parents' undivided attention. In these busy times, few children receive sufficient time and attention from their parents, who are often too distracted by their own problems and worries to treat their children with patience and empathy. It is surely wrong and unfair to punish a child for responding in a natural way to having important needs neglected. For this reason, punishment is not only ineffective in the long run, it is also clearly unjust.

2、在许多所谓的“坏行为”案件中,孩子只是在他的基本需求被忽视的时候,用他唯一能做的来表达反抗。这些需求是:适当的营养和睡眠,治疗那些隐藏的敏感症,新鲜的空气,运动和充分的探询他周围世界的自由。但是他最大的需求,是他父母对他一心一意的关注。在那些很忙的时候,孩子不能从他的父母那里得到足够的时间和关注。父母们可能为自己的事情心烦意乱,却试图让孩子能保持安静和耐心。当孩子很自然地来反抗他被忽视的事实的时候,去惩罚孩子是错误和不公正的。因此,惩罚不只是在长期上没有效果,这个方法也很明显地是不公正的。

3. Punishment distracts the child from learning how to resolve conflict in an effective and humane way. As the educator John Holt wrote, "When we make a child afraid, we stop learning dead in its tracks." A punished child becomes preoccupied with feelings of anger and fantasies of revenge, and is thus deprived of the opportunity to learn more effective methods of solving the problem at hand. Thus, a punished child learns little about how to handle or prevent similar situations in the future.

3、惩罚把孩子的注意力从学习“如何以人性化的方式有效解决冲突”中转移走了。教育家J·Holt写道:“当我们让一个孩子害怕的时候,我们把‘学习’这个过程扼杀了。”一个被惩罚的孩子,注意力都集中在他的愤怒的情绪和复仇的幻想中。于是,孩子就这样错过了学习如何自己解决问题的机会。将来,这个受惩罚的孩子,仍然不知道如何去掌控类似的局面。

4. "Spare the rod and spoil the child", though much quoted, is in fact a misinterpretation of Biblical teaching. While the "rod" is mentioned many times in the Bible, it is only in the Book of Proverbs that this word is used in connection with parenting. In fact, King Solomon's harsh methods of discipline led his own son, Rehoboam, to become a tyrannical and oppressive dictator who only narrowly escaped being stoned to death for his cruelty. In the Bible there is no support for harsh discipline outside of Solomon's Proverbs. Jesus saw children as being close to God, and urged love, never punishment.

4、“不打孩子就是溺爱孩子”虽然被到处引用,事实上,这却是对圣经教育的一种误解。在圣经里,“棍棒”这个词经常出现,但是与教育孩子有关的意思,却只出现在(旧约圣经中的)箴言篇。而所罗门王的苛刻的教育法则,让他的儿子成为了残暴和压制性的独裁者。在圣经中,没有任何对于所罗门王的苛教进行支持的语言。耶酥认为孩子们是非常接近神的人,孩子促进了人间的爱,不应该被惩罚。

5. Punishment interferes with the bond between parent and child, as it is not human nature to feel loving toward someone who hurts us. The true spirit of cooperation which every parent desires can arise only through a strong bond based on mutual feelings of love and respect. Punishment, even when it appears to work, can produce only superficially good behavior based on fear, which can only take place until the child is old enough to resist. In contrast, cooperation based on respect will last permanently, bringing many years of mutual happiness as the child and parent grow older.

5、由于惩罚而引起的亲子关系问题,是正常人性的表现。我们不会从那些伤害了我们的人身上感受到爱。唯一能够达到父母期盼的那种与孩子的和谐相处之道,就是彼此表达对对方的爱和尊重。惩罚,尽管有的时候能起作用,却只能在胆怯的基础上,起到一些浅薄的作用。当孩子长大到可以反抗的时候,这些作用就立刻消失了。相反地,建立在互相尊重基础上的合作关系,却可以长期地起作用。在那些父母和孩子共同成长的时间里,带给大家快乐的互动。

6. Many parents never learned in their own childhood that there are positive ways of relating to children. When punishment does not accomplish the desired goals, and if the parent is unaware of alternative methods, punishment can escalate to more frequent and dangerous actions against the child.

6、很多家长不会从他们的童年经历中学习到,其实有很多积极正面的方法来跟孩子进行互动。当惩罚不能达到目的,并且如果家长不能换一些其他的方法的时候,惩罚就开始升温,频率增加,甚至会出现一些对孩子有害的行为。

7. Anger and frustration which cannot be safely expressed by a child become stored inside; angry teenagers do not fall from the sky. Anger that has been accumulating for many years can come as a shock to parents whose child now feels strong enough to express this rage. Punishment may appear to produce "good behavior" in the early years, but always at a high price, paid by parents and by society as a whole, as the child enters adolescence and early adulthood.

7、孩子们不会安全地表达愤怒和挫折感,所以这些感觉往往被孩子压在心底:愤怒的十几岁的孩子不会从天上掉下来(意思是说,那些愤怒是积蓄已久了,到十几岁才爆发了的)。多年积累的愤怒一旦爆发,会让孩子的父母吓一大跳。惩罚可能会在前几年都获得“好行为”的结果,但是经常让父母和社会在孩子进入青春期以后付出了高昂的代价。

8. Spanking on the buttocks, an erogenous zone in childhood, can create in the child's mind an association between pain and sexual pleasure, and lead to difficulties in adulthood. "Spanking wanted" ads in alternative newspapers attest to the sad consequences of this confusion of pain and pleasure. If a child receives little parental attention except when being punished, this will further merge the concepts of pain and pleasure in the child's mind. A child in this situation will have little self-esteem, believing he deserves nothing better. For more on this topic, see "The Sexual Dangers of Spanking Children" (also in French).

8、由于臀部是儿童的性感部位,在儿童时期打孩子的臀部,会让孩子认为疼痛和性快感是必然关联的,这将在孩子成年以后导致一些问题。那些在不同报纸上刊登的“需要抽打”的广告,证明了这种将痛苦和快乐混淆的人的存在。如果一个孩子只有在挨打的时候才会得到父母的关注,这种对痛苦和快乐混淆起来的定义就会在孩子的脑海中根深蒂固,影响孩子的一生。这种情况下长大的孩子,很难拥有自信,他们认为自己什么都得不到,什么都做不了。希望知道关于这个话题更多的讨论,请看“由打孩子的带来性危机”。

Even relatively moderate spanking can be physically dangerous. Blows to the lower end of the spinal column send shock waves along the length of the spine, and may injure the child. The prevalence of lower back pain among adults in our society may well have its origins in childhood punishment. Some children have become paralyzed through nerve damage from spanking, and some have died after mild paddlings, due to undiagnosed medical complications.

甚至适度的打,也可能带来身体上的伤害。在孩子脊柱下放的击打,会造成整个脊柱的波动,有可能会伤害孩子。现在在成年人中流行的颈椎病,很有可能就是来源于儿童时期的挨打。有些孩子因为挨打,变得神经麻痹,有些在温和的拍打以后,原因不明地死亡。

9. Physical punishment gives the dangerous and unfair message that "might makes right", that it is permissible to hurt someone else, provided they are smaller and less powerful than you are. The child then concludes that it is permissible to mistreat younger or smaller children. When he becomes an adult, he can feel little compassion for those less fortunate than he is, and fears those who are more powerful. This will hinder the establishment of meaningful relationships so essential to an emotionally fulfilling life.

9、体罚带给孩子一个危险和不公平的信息:去伤害那些比你力量小的人,“是对的”。这些孩子就会总结出:他们可以去欺负那些比他们小的孩子。当他长大成人,他不会对比他不幸的人表示同情,并且怕那些比他有能力和力量的人。这将阻碍一个人一生的感情生活。

10. Because children learn through parental modeling, physical punishment gives the message that hitting is an appropriate way to express feelings and to solve problems. If a child does not observe a parent solving problems in a creative and humane way, it can be difficult for him to learn to do this himself. For this reason, unskilled parenting often continues into the next generation.

10、因为孩子从父母模型学习,挨打就会让他们认为用打别人的方式来发泄和解决情绪问题是正确的途径。如果孩子没有发现父母用一种人性的方法来解决问题,他自己就很难用人性的方法来解决自己的问题。因此,这种不懂得与自己和他人相处的教育方法就一代代传递下去。

Gentle instruction, supported by a strong foundation of love and respect, is the only truly effective way to bring about commendable behavior based on strong inner values, instead of superficially "good" behavior based only on fear.

建立在爱和尊重基础上的温和的指导,是唯一真正有效的建立内在价值观并带来良好行为的途径。这远比那些建立在恐惧基础上的表面上的“好”行为要好得多。

 

Ten Reasons Not to Hit Your Kids

by Jan Hunt, M.Sc.

译:曹垲鑫

译者注:尤其是第8条、第9条和第10条,大家都看看吧。你们承受得了那种结果,就继续打。当然,这不是一定发生的后果,都是有一定的发生几率的。

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